Subtle Retaliations: Your Everyday Cat

THE FACTS:

I have three cats. Yes, I'm the quintessential cat lady. Yes I talk to them like they're human beings. No I don't let them kiss inside my mouth... yet.

THE BACKGROUND:

A friend of mine knew that I was interested in adopting kittens and she conveniently lived in a house above a cat brothel where one Kitty Kat Lady never met a Tom Cat she didn't like.

I got a text message one day that two kittens needed a home... and then a third. And how could I split up a family? I wouldn't be able to live with myself, so my Eastern European guilt coerced me into being a feline hoarder.

NOW:

Sometimes they love me and sometimes they try to kill me and 9 times out of 10, they end up snagging half of my dinner when I turn around. I've come home to shattered plants, half-eaten bags of chocolate, fully eaten cup-cake wrappers, and completely ruined boxes of anything that might have food in it. They have trashed more plants, telephone chargers, and bags of leftovers than I can even count. Regardless of my scoldings, they've never "pulled their weight" or "helped out around the house", but they let you know who owns it when you turn on a light in a dark room full of sleeping kittens.

Before we had them, we could leave chips unattended, chicken out to cool, and cookies on the table. Now if I'm 10 seconds late to get my waffle, I end up spending the next 8 minutes chasing my cat behind a couch yelling at him to lego my eggo. I'm at least 10 minutes late everyday to work because my cats like watching the toilet flush and will sit there... until I flush it... repeatedly.

For all of the responsibilities and things you have to do and think through before getting an animal, I wouldn't change a thing.

Animals just make things better. Coming home to an empty home and hearing the light prances and heavy flopping of affectionate kittens to greet you make a crappy day a little better. Want to take a nap on the couch? Snuggle up with a kitten. Entertainment? Watch them bat around a piece of fuzz for 45 minutes... it's oddly entertaining. Need a laugh? Put whip cream on your cat's nose and watch that unfold. Need to feel better? Smooch a furry head.

I wouldn't trade being 10 minutes earlier to work because those minutes repeatedly flushing toilets and pleading with my cat not to finish the last toaster streudel are part of the fun. They're sweet, they're spunky, they're funny, and most importantly, they're family.