Sunday, April 12, 2015

Things I Don't Understand...


This world is strange and there's a lot I don't understand - let's explore: 

  1. People who don't enjoy pumpkin-flavored foods and drinks. I don't think they're to be trusted. 

  1. Engagement Photos
    1. These pictures are a lie - relationships are not walking down a beach or strolling through a wheat field. Relationships are fights in grocery stores and watching Netflix in sweatpants that should have made it to the laundry days ago.

I love to hold hands and stand three feet from my boyfriend
  1. Men who wear short-sleeved button ups. You look like a park ranger. Wear a long sleeved shirt and roll the sleeves up like an adult.

  1. Paying more than $200 for a purse

  1. Hollywood's obsession with comic book characters. Antman? Let's all acknowledge we're getting desperate.

  1. The fact people think the following TV shows were actually good:
    1. How I Met Your Mother
      1. The premise is charming, the execution is painful
    2. Two and a Half Men
      1. This is Full House with Stephanie when she in her loser phase and a combined Jesse and Joey - no thanks.
    3. Big Bang Theory
      1. This show is full of actors who are all phoning it in. Their perilous performance could be saved if there were a few people peppered in who could actually act. Alas, there are not.. Also, the story line is not plausible. 

  1. Wearing heels so high you can't walk
    1. Ladies you're not doing yourself any favors. If your plan is to snag a gentleman, you'll have a harder time when you look like a brand new baby deer on ice.

  1. People who live in Kansas and Oklahoma
    1. I picture these states full of tiny towns that have absolutely nothing going on except for frequent tornadoes and an occasional pie fair in the summer.

Mmmmmm.... apple pie and twisters. What summers are made of...

  1. Sprinkle parties
    1. You got married - I got you a present (probably a few), you had a baby, I got you a present, you get pregnant a second time,  you can take care of the wardrobe updates yourself. 


  1. People who drink Chardonnay of their own free will

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